My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
