I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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