Can Purell be used as lube?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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