I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
