I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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