I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
