Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
