Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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