So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize