Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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