I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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