and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
