evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
