I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize