The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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