No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
