this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
honey bunches of taint.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
