I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
