This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
