I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize