This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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