wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
