I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this hospital has no fireball
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
