im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
