i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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