Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
time to smoke my breakfast
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
