she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
