We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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