Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
