I'm really into asian looking animals
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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