You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
