got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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