I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
