I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i will never coherently bang her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
