He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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