That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
