Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
