it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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