my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
