i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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