Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
