So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
