so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
