I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
