My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize