Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
