The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
