did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
