I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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