That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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