addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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