other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
