just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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