You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
