I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They took my balls.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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