omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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