she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
