Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
