bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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