I have demons in me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
