Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
