I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
