Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
