I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
