I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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