I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
