He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
