Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
