so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
