Can Purell be used as lube?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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