Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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